The life of a CHP wife, the beginning.

Hey friends and readers. I have been thinking long and hard about adding something to this blog that I feel will be beneficial to all women and men who are dating, engaged or married to a peace officer. This is going to be a whole new segment in my blog and I hope that I can give enough examples and provide as many tips and tricks for all of you along the way. This segment will include a what to expect during the hiring process, the academy, break in and what is now the “new normal” for you. Okay…first things first

How did this start for me? Well, really fast actually. My husband was in his early 20s when he decided he wanted a career in law enforcment. He had a few friends who were fellow officers that really took him under their wings and gave him the guidence and support he needed to begin the adventure. For some men and women the process can take as little as 6 months, for Kyle it took 3 years. There were many set backs but on March 1st 2015 on my way home from work i received a call from him reading me his acceptance letter and that he began academy life in 1 month! This was the most wonderful and terrifying experience in my life and the lives of our friends and family.

After his 27 weeks he graduated, we got married and we moved in a 10 day span. Exhausted was putting it mildly. While i was excited for this new adventure my whole support system was back home, a friend and fellow officers wife was also back home but i knew they were all a text or phone call away. I was excited and scared and i really tried to tackle this new life head on, on my own. I didnt have anyone around to help me so i learned alot of things the hard way and although it was tough i now have the tools and tips to share with anyone beginning this adventure. 

Stay tuned for my next post about the hiring process and academy life for all of us who are these heroes support system.

Growing up on the spectrum: Lessons Ive learned with Rachel

Hi everyone. Sunday is a special day in my family because my sister Rachel is turning 27!! Its funny how when you’re a kid the idea of you and your siblings aging never really crosses your mind. Its also funny how fast time goes by. I cant believe that she will be 27. I remember all her “big” birthdays, 16, 18, 21 and now I am sitting here writing this and thinking “she is in her late 20’s and in no time we will be having her 30th birthday”. I wanted to share with all of you some things that she has taught me in this life we have so here are some lessons from Rachel to Kelsey

  1. Empathy. Typically individuals on the spectrum do not feel empathy. My mama taught Rachel empathy from a very early age. I can remember if I was crying, Rachel would cry. At 6 years old I had no idea why she did that. It was because my mom gave her the cues that I was sad or hurt and how to act accordingly. To Rachel, that meant if sister cries, so do I. Writing this now makes me tear up.
  2. Memorization. As you all have read, or know. Movies were Rachel’s “zen” growing up. She and I could act and quote so many movies and still can to this day. I know that if she wasn’t around not only would I not be able to memorize like crazy but neither would our family. 🙂
  3. Fear. Never in my life have I felt such fear… I always worry. I always hope that she is ok and that nothing will harm her. I am always afraid that someone will make fun of her and she will know. Its a fear I would equate to that of a parent and a child.
  4. Hope. When my mama told me her diagnosis story and said that her doctors claimed “she will never walk, or talk or speak” I cannot imagine the feeling of hopelessness that could have caused. But then I look at Rachel, and I see all that she has overcome and does in her daily life and I cant feel anything but hope.
  5. Pride. I am one very proud big sister. There are days when I am so proud (like right now) and I just gush over her and I am sure people want to me shut up but my gosh, she is amazing!!!
  6. Work ethic. Rachel has only called in sick to work once and she tried to argue with my mama that she was okay to go to work. Mind you she had a fever and works in a retirement community so sickness can be life threatening. I called into work all the time! She goes to work with a smile on her face, on holidays, she works on Christmas and she is working on her birthday this sunday as well and she does it all with no complaints.
  7. Humor. Rachel is one of the funniest people I have ever met. She is the first one to say something outrageous and have me on the floor laughing. Sometimes she will look at me with this face she makes in the middle of family dinners and I will burst into fits of laughter.
  8. Fearlessness. Rachel believes that she can do ANYTHING!!! and while she does struggle she still tries and she will fight you until you have to tell her NO its not happening! Its amazing to see her strong will.
  9. Routine. Individuals with Autism thrive when on a routine. Rachel has had a routine since the moment my mom found out about her diagnosis. Because of this she has given me such a great example of how to keep myself (and get my puppy) on a routine, that I have a hard time straying from.
  10. Some days are harder than others. That’s the truth with life in general. When you have someone you love with a developmental disability there are days when you are just radiating pride and love and then there are days when she is frustrated and overstimulated and anxious thus making you frustrated, overstimulated and anxious. However, as I said before that is life, and I have learned that in those kind of events we talk about what’s wrong, we come up with a plan and then we move on and getting Rachel to deal with what’s wrong and then doing something that makes her happy is key.
  11. Patience. This is something you have to have when you have a sibling with special needs. This is something that my mom said I had my whole life with Rachel and honestly I cant ever remember have patience because I am a naturally impatient person. Its something that I continue to work on. When Rachel is upset (because she is very stubborn) its hard to reason with her without both of us either in tears or me having to be the big sister and stand my ground, even when her sweet face crumbles and her eyes well up with tears.
  12. Have fun. I think that society has such a stigma on people with disabilities. I am unsure as to why that is.. I always made sure that when a fun opportunity presented itself for Rachel that if I could go with her, or whatever that I would because she deserves to have the most fun and rich life imaginable. I was her date to multiple dances, including both of her proms. I was the first person to successfully take her to her first movie in the movie theater (which I sobbed during). I took her to get her first non-ear piercing (her nose) and my mama and I made her a deal that when she turns 30 I will be the one to take her to get matching sister tattoos!
  13. Milestones mean more. Milestones are huge for everyone, and I know that I may be bias but when Rachel hit her biggest milestones it was this wave of happiness, and assurance and pride that I don’t think everyone feels. When she first performed at her class Christmas show, I wrote about this previously but when I went to that show I expected a meltdown and for my mama, nana and I to have to take her home. When she held her little battery operated candle and sang We wish you a Merry Christmas and then yelled EVERYBODY, it took all that I had in me to not cry. That was the moment that I knew that she was blossoming and that she was going to grow up into the amazing woman she is now.
  14. Purpose. I’m not really good at any one thing. I am however good at understanding Rachel. I know when its been a bad day for her. I know when she wants to be included. I know her. If I never do anything with my life (minus what I am doing now) she will be my biggest accomplishment. While I am only her sister and I didn’t do a fraction of what my mama did, I am good at being her sister.
  15. Heartbreak. There are times when she has 100 percent broken my heart. I remember when I took her to get her nose pierced and the guy at the shop was explaining the release form to her I stepped in and said “Can I help her with this, she has Autism” and Rachel looked me square in the eyes, with a look on her face that I will never forget and said “I’m not Autistic anymore, that hurts my feelings” My heart broke and its breaks as I write this. I never want her to feel different.
  16. Acceptance. I have been extremely lucky that all of the people who I have brought around Rachel have been nothing but kind. It is hard to feel accepted by your peers when they have typically developing siblings but at a young age I stopped giving a shit and when Rachel and I were at the same school, I had her hang out with my friends and I. I also made it clear if they couldn’t hang with Rachel that we had no business being friends.
  17. Unconditional Love. Never in my life have I felt a love that I do for Rachel. Again I would compare it to a mother and child. There are days when I cannot believe how lucky I am that I get to be her sister. I get to have a different bond with my sister than many people do and I would not replace that for anything in the entire world.

These are just a few of the things she taught me. There are more everyday and I cannot wait to share more as they come.

 

 

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Rachel with her pup nephew Kevin ❤

 

11 lessons in 11 years 

Hi readers. My husband and I are just over 2 months away from our 11 year anniversary. (not our wedding anniversary, we are coming up on 2 years for that in October). I wanted to share 11 lessons we have learned on our own and from each other. 1 lesson for each year. These may seem like common sense to some but i have been told that Kyle and I are “the example” of how a good couple works. (not to toot our own horns)…

1. Let the little shit go!! I can’t tell you how many arguments and fights we have gotten into over the years over things that today are so small and require zero energy. I think that’s something that you have to learn within the first couple of years being together. There were times where we would get into an argument or fight and after hours of just being pissed off and crying I would forget why we were fighting in the first place. Seriously… let that shit go!!

2. It’s okay if you don’t agree on the little things as long as you agree on the big things. Kyle and I are the ideal couple for Opposites attract. We literally have nothing in common as far as favorites, likes and dislikes etc… however when it comes to big decisions such as how we live our day-to-day life, how we want to raise our children, or what we wanted to do when we retire, we are on the same page 100%. I think that is most important.

3. Make each other laugh. Kyle and I laugh all the time. We’ve even had conversations about how we think it’s sad when couples don’t find each other funny or don’t laugh at each other. How can you have fun with your spouse if you don’t laugh? Kyle makes me laugh at least a handful of times a day. Even if it’s something small and I still laugh we’ve done our job.

4. Have conversations. I’ve heard many couples say that after certain point you lose things to talk about. Kyle and I after all this time can still find things to talk about even if it’s something like which actor we prefer as Batman we can have a good conversation as to why we think what we think. There is no reason to stop having conversations with your significant other.

5. It’s okay to be scared. When Kyle started the academy and we found out we were moving to a county that neither of us wanted to live in we knew that we only had each other to rely on. That in itself is terrifying. Because Kyle and I stayed home to go to school and for him to get into the academy we only lived with each other during Summers when I would house sit. Once Academy life started it was six months of wedding planning, testing, anxiety, tears, sleepless nights, days where we would do nothing but sleep all day because he was so exhausted and I knew that at the end of it we would be somewhere where it was just he and I all the time. That scared me because I’ve always had family so close by. Being scared is okay you just need to explain why you’re scared and try to understand how you as a couple can fix that fear

6. Make time for date night. Everyone talks about when you have children date nights are so few and far between. Even now with just a puppy Kyle and I have to plan time to go on dates. Date night doesn’t have to be getting dressed up and going to dinner. Date night for us could be a movie from Redbox, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to share and our dog. As long as we’re together relaxing that’s what’s most important.

7. Try to understand each other’s frustrations. Because Kyle Works graveyard shift that’s 12 hours or more when he comes home I know that even though I want nothing more than to just hang out with him he has to sleep. The same goes for him when the dog is chewing something up he’s not supposed to and my computer crashes and it’s the first day of school and my car gets flat tire. (this has happened all in 1 day more than once) he is the first person to tell me to calm down that he understands how I feel and that we’re going to fix it one step at a time. It always gets fixed but as long as I understand how he feels and he understands how I feel then everything’s okay.

8. Do things the other person loves to do. Before Kyle and I moved he was very much involved in the MMA training and trainer life. I hated exercising and all I wanted to do was sit at home all day and read. But I decided because Kyle loved that part of his life so much that I would join a women’s cardio kickboxing class that I actually got pretty good at. In turn, Kyle would read books that I suggested to him as long as they weren’t romance novels 🙂

9. Be honest. Being honest is just a good quality to have in life but with your spouse it’s even more important. After we moved I was extremely unhappy. I just wanted to go home and be with my family and friends and there were many days where I would just sit and feel sorry for both he and I because he too didn’t like where he was although he had just gotten his dream job so working here was what we had to do. I lied for a few months and put on a brave face about everything being okay and that it was going to work out until one night I had a meltdown. I was crying I told him how much I hated our house and how much I hated it here and he just hugged me and said he was sorry. He asked if I wanted him to quit which I immediately said no because I would never want to take his dream job away from him. And although I still don’t like the area I have a roof over my head and I get to be with him every single day.

10. Be present. Becoming present has been a struggle for me my entire life. I’ve always been an anxious person and hard-wired for stress and I’ve always been that girl who was 10 steps ahead of everybody else but then because I was so far ahead I would lose track of myself and others and have to go all the way back to square one and start over. In the last few years I have found that maintaining presence is key. On days when I’m anxious or home sick I will look at our wedding pictures or I’ll sneak into our room while Kyle sleeping and just get a quick glance of him and I’ll start to feel better because this is everything that I’ve ever wanted for him and for myself. After I take in a few deep breaths I realize that I’m very blessed that I get to be married to my high-school sweetheart.

And finally

11. Say I love you. I tell Kyle I love him probably a hundred times a day. Now our situation is a little bit different and he has a dangerous job however I told him I love him a hundred times every day 4 years ago or 5 years ago or even 8 years ago. He’s my best friend and I want him to know how much I love him. It’s funny sometimes I’ll say I love you to him and he goes “what’s wrong” even if nothing’s wrong he just needs to know.

These lessons are ones that I’ve learned in the last 11 years with Kyle. Some of them have come extremely naturally and some of them took years to finally realize but Kyle and I are a force together. I definitely feel like when he and I walk in a room there’s a presence and I don’t want to sound cocky but I think that he and I have earned the right of the title power couple. We both work extremely hard at our marriage and I think that we do a really good job!!!

50 questions tag *All about me

Hey readers! Hope all of you are well today. Its been quite the day for me, just busy busy busy!!! Anyway I wanted to do a light and fun post today so here it is, 50 questions tag I found mysparkpeople

  1. Were you named after anyone? Technically no, however my mama told me she was 11 years old the first time she heard the name Kelsey (one of her brothers friends) and she thought it was the coolest name ever.
  2. When was the last time you cried? Today out of pure frustration with my homework (math gets me down)
  3. Do you like your handwriting? yes! I pride myself on my penmanship.
  4. What is your favorite lunch meat? I know you will all be judging me but whatever…BOLOGNA!
  5. Do you have kids? Human children, no not yet. I do have a puppy who keeps me really busy
  6. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Probably not.
  7. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not much, I tend to find it disrespectful unless the person you are being sarcastic to knows the inflection in which you speak.
  8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes, however I would like to have them removed and just not worry about them!
  9. Would you bungee jump? DEAR GOD NO!
  10. What is your favorite cereal? Waffle Crisp 🙂
  11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope!
  12. Do you think you are strong? yes, probably one of the strongest people I know, next to my mama.
  13. What is your favorite ice cream? Ben and Jerrys Half Baked
  14. What is the first thing you notice about people? Their clothing style
  15. Red or Pink? Pink, because I hate red.
  16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My stress level/anxious mind.
  17. Who do you miss the most? My sister Rachel.
  18. What is the spark feature that has helped you the most? I have no idea what this even means right now?…
  19. What color shoes are you wearing? No shoes
  20. What was the last thing you ate? A grilled turkey sandwich on sourdough.
  21. What are you listening to right now? Rise of the guardians is playing in the background.
  22. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Probably black but maybe Lavender
  23. Favorite Smells? My mamas pumpkin bread, my mother in laws cheesecake, my stepmoms chocolate chip cookies.
  24. Who was the last person you  talked to on the phone? My mama!
  25. Mountain Hideaway or Beach house? Mountain hideaway because I hate the beach..(yes I said I hated the beach, I feel like you see one you see them all sand and water)
  26. Favorite sports to watch? If dance counts then dance otherwise football.
  27.  Hair color? I honestly have not known my natural color since I was 13 but I’m blonde right now.
  28. Eye color? Blue
  29. Do you wear contacts? No my eyes aren’t bad enough to wear glasses and or contacts that much.
  30. Favorite food? CHEESEBURGERS!!!
  31. Scary movies or happy endings? I love both but being so scared during a scary movie far surpasses happily ever after!
  32. Last Movie you watched? The Rise of the Guardians
  33. What color t-shirt are you wearing? Black
  34. Summer or Winter? I am a summer girl (it was always winter until I moved to a crummy area)
  35. Hus or kisses? I come a family that hugs and kisses every time we say hello and goodbye so both!
  36. Favorite dessert? Right now I am hooked on bread pudding.
  37. Strength training or cardio? Cardio
  38. Computer or television? T.V
  39. What book are you reading now? I was asked to read and review a novel by an indie author so I am reading Ashes to Ashes by Valerie Thomas.
  40. What is on your mousepad? I don’t have one.
  41. Any tattoos? Yes! I have 7 and planning on more!!
  42. Favorite sound? The garage door opening when my husband comes home from work.
  43. Rolling stones or Beatles? BEATLES
  44. What is the farthest you have been away from home? Boulder, Colorado. What a gorgeous city!
  45. Do you have a special talent? I am pretty good at impressions 🙂
  46. Where were you born? Walla Walla, Washington.
  47. Where are you living right now? Lakeport, CA :/
  48.  What color is your house? I think its tan.. maybe yellow(ish)
  49. What color is your car? Gunmetal Grey
  50. Any Pets? Yes! a sweet bulldog puppy named Kevin ❤

2016 Recap

Hi friends, It has been awhile since I have posted and for that I am sorry. Life has been busy, busy, busy! I hope all of you had a FABULOUS holiday. I sure did and I cannot wait to use my Christmas money to go shopping! I wanted to do a post summing up this last year for me as we only have 4 days left in 2016.

Many people hate this year and I will say there have been some very hard times but there has also been so much amazingness too! Hollywood lost a lot of greats sadly. I lost some people in my life. My anxiety was at an all time through the summer. This year I also felt very lonely. I felt even more isolated than I did the first year of our new life. I decided to change all of this and my way of thinking and I cannot tell you how much my heart and mind have changed!

Here are some of the things that are my yearly highlights

I have been an auntie to 2 kids for 7 years now. Desirae and Robert are 2 of the biggest loves of both mine and Kyle’s life. In January 2016 we were blessed with our newest Nephew Oliver! We were also asked to be the kids Godparents. You can imagine my elation when I was told I was these amazing kiddos Godmother. What an Honor right?!?

Kyle and I decided that as of January 2017 we would begin trying to start a family. While I am still very nervous, knowing I have Kyle by my side is what makes me feel like I can do this parent thing. Thankfully too all of my family is in VERY close proximity to me so I know that I will have support there. I also tell people that my babies will be so blessed because most couples have a mom and dad to be grandparents but I have 2 sets of parents. My babies will have Nana and Papa (my mom and step-dad) Mimi and Grandpa (kyles mom and dad) and Grandpa and Grandma( my dad and step mom). How lucky are they?!?

We got a puppy! Kevin is a half English bulldog and half American Bulldog. He is sweet, sassy, a big love and has the sweetest face in all the land! He is now 4 months old and sitting at my feet snoring as I write this! He loves bananas, water bottles and playing with his friend Max!

We moved! While we still live in a county I am not particularly fond of we moved into a bigger house, in a drastically nicer area and we are able to have Kevin. I love my new house. I have a huge living room and bedroom and my own library!!!!! I actually have a library!!!!!

I am finishing up my last semester at Sierra College and beginning at University of Phoenix in the summer!!! I have only a couple classes to take for my AA degree and I will be able to finish that at UOP then I will begin my Bachelors in English!

I started an Etsy shop!!! As many of you have read, I have been embroidering since I was about 4 or 5. My step-dad has told me time and again that “if you’re good at something, never do it for free” so I bit the bullet and opened my shop. I have had one sale so far and it was a custom order not through my shop, but hey its a start!

Kyle and I hit our 10 year mark! I have been told repeatedly this year that he and I are “the power couple”! I am now believing it. Many people believe that highschool love amounts to nothing and sometimes it doesn’t but in my case I am 10.5 years strong and ready to kick more ass with him by my side!

As this year comes to a close I am feeling sick (I have a chest cold) LOL, but for real I am feeling full, loved and excited. I know that each year will bring challenges but I have come to find that life is like a riverbed and I am a rock. I can either try and push past it or let it wash over me. I chose to let it wash over me. I chose happiness. I chose Positivity. I chose to practice compassion and work on my life. I chose to not let the small stuff effect me. I am also choosing to be a bit more selfish this next year and do things that better me but also make me happy. I am not going to focus on things that don’t effect me. I plan to focus on my life, my marriage and my family.

 

 

Growing up on the spectrum part 8

Hi readers! I felt compelled to write about my sister again as I am watching the show Parenthood. If you haven’t seen it let me bring you up to speed. Its about a family and real problems and real dreams and how they interact with each other. There is a little boy named Max who is diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome which is on the Autism Spectrum. In the episode I just watched Max is setting up his room for his sleepover with his cousin Jabar. His uncle Crosby (Jabars dad) comes to deliver news that Jabar and his mom are not able to make into town from their New York home this week and that plan had to be changed. Enter the meltdown. Max begins to yell and “clear” his legos off his table. (Clearing is a form of aggression in which the individual throws, slides or removes items from a particular space). I have seen these many, many times and in that moment when Max begins to meltdown and the other characters, minus his tutor begin to panic I knew exactly how it should be dealt with, and how to bring him back down to his baseline. I sympathize with this character so much and I find myself wanting to jump in this show and work with this child.

Its funny to me that I can deal with a child who is on the spectrum. A child who is aggressive, or having a meltdown better than a typically developing child. I have 2 nieces and 3 nephews (3 of which are my God Children) and I always feel bad because I feel like I don’t know how to relate to them so I try to be extra attentive and show them the amount of love and attention that I would show Rachel. The 5 of them amaze me the same way Rachel does yet somehow it is drastically different, if that makes sense.

Something I worry about with my future children is that if they are typically developing, will I not be able to relate to them? I am so used to working and relating to kids with special needs that I don’t know how I will be when I am a mom and if they are typically developing.

Do any of you have experience with special needs kids???

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Pinterest Q&A

Hey readers I wanted to do another Q&A so I looked on pinterest and here is the one I chose!

What are 5 passions you have and why?

  1. Movies, I am a movie junkie. I personally own 600 give or take. If you have read my previous blogs you know that for me movies are a very personal, wonderful outlet for me and that I look at all aspects of each movie.
  2. Embroidery, I have loved to stich for over 20 years but in the last month since I began my Etsy shop I have found a new found and deeper love for it.
  3. Books, reading is another passion. I love to read, I love to start a new book, I love when I get so hooked I cant focus on anything else but finishing that book.
  4. interior decorating, since I have lived on my own, the topic of interior design has come up as a profession for me and since I am renting I cant do everything that I want but I have visions for my home and I cannot wait to get started.
  5. Dance, I have wanted to dance my whole life and was able to for a short time but it was one of the best times of my life.

List 20 random facts about myself…

  1. Black is my favorite color
  2. I have really small hands and feet.
  3. I love video games.
  4. Big Fish is my least favorite Tim Burton movie.
  5. I have 6 siblings.
  6. I have been best friends with Jamie for 22 years last month!!
  7. My fear as a child was Edward Scissorhands
  8. I think Stevie Nicks is the coolest singer on the planet
  9. I have a crush on Michael Keaton
  10. I hate the color brown
  11. I tried to make my wedding Tim Burton themed and it was just going to be too over the top and not what I ended up wanting.
  12. My brother Dylan was my first baby. I had him on a weekend schedule when I was 12.
  13. I have been writing since before I could read, I would ask my mama how to spell the words I wanted to use.
  14. The first story I ever wrote was about the characters of CandyLand and how they ended up stuck in the game.
  15. I hate grunge music
  16. I want to have both arms tattooed one sleeve would be book illustrations and quotes and the other would be a Tim Burton collage
  17. In highschool my bedroom was bright orange, it looked like a popsicle!
  18. My first job was as a mainstream kid in my sisters preschool class, I was 5.
  19. I hate onions
  20. I can play a little piano, a little clarinet and a little guitar

Who has been the biggest influence in your life?

This is a 3 parter. First off is my mama for all she has done, is doing and continues to take it all in stride with kindness and compassion. My cousin Charisse who is so selfless, so loving and the best teacher I have the pleasure of being related to and my amazing husband for teaching me to get a grip when I’m anxious, for supporting all of my choices in life and keeping me happy the last 10 years!

Do you have any pet peeves?

OMG yes I do!!!

  • Biggest one is whining. If you’re unhappy or whatever don’t complain because it can always get worse. Everyone is going to have moments where they complain and I am guilty of it but I do my best every day to know that I am blessed, and it could be worse. I don’t have time for whining and I was raised in a family where whining was unacceptable.
  • When people make you feel dumb or weird because you haven’t done something. Like when I say “oh ive never been there” and the response is “what? really, how have you never been here” its like okay well excuse me. Thinking about it gets me fired up.

What were you like as a kid?

I was a weird kid. I hated playing outside. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to Matilda but hated reading. I wanted to marry Teen Wolf and Beetlejuice. I loved lifetime movies that I watched with my nana. I loved to embroider. I began collecting movies and asking for them for birthdays and Christmas. I loved teaching my friends about Autism and learning about other special needs. I loved to perform in class plays. I loved music from the 70s-current because we always had music on in the house.

Currently I’m…

  • Thinking: oh my gosh I am so sore from my run and yoga session.
  • enjoying: typing this up and texting my friend Sharon.
  • Feeling: sleepy from my workouts and ready to finish this book I’m close to finishing.
  • wearing: my viva la brunch shirt and blue jeans!
  • needing: to finish my Humanities notes for my paper.
  • wanting: Kyle to be off overtime at work so we can watch American Horror Story!
  • Listening: New Girl is my background white noise for homework.
  • Making: I just finished 2 orders from my Etsy so I am currently not working on anything as of yet.
  • Eating:… I haven’t eaten today besides my slim fast shake… I should probably eat!
  • Drinking: Raspberry Lime Water.

 

That’s all for today 🙂 Thanks for reading !

Year 1 down 

So… it’s been 360 days that kyle and I have been married, relocated and living together. In the last year I have learned that I am one badass girl. If you don’t already know my husband works a high stress and dangerous job which leaves me at home most of the time. Many people would crack under that kind of pressure but I decided to take the world by the balls and change my life. I exercise regularly, I eat better (I still cheat and that’s okay) I started 2 blogs, an Etsy Shop and an it works entrepreneurship. I have a successful 10 year relationship that nobody can compare to. I’m learning what makes me incredibly happy and what isn’t working. I’m independent in a way that 90% of the population including women will never understand and I am successful. Regardless of the bordem bouts and not seeing my family as much as I would like, in my opinion this first year has shown me how good of a human I was raised to be, how well I am learning to cope with change thus making me crave it more and how independent I never knew I could be. 

This experience has been crazy in the hardest, best and most challenging of ways. When I look back I will have a sense of pride that nobody can hold a candle too because you have to put yourself in my shoes to understand. I am coming up on my 28th birthday and ready for a new year of marriage, family, babies (no I’m not pregnant but yes we are planning to “start trying” or in my words “not prevent” to have a baby in the next few months. I’m ready to finish my first of 3 degrees. I plan on reading 50 or more books next year, making a craft blog for my Etsy shop, selling alot of my work and being 100 percent present in my life now.

My youngest God Son/nephew Ollie getting love from auntie kels
One photo every 2 years of kyle and I since we’ve have been us. 10 years and counting!!!
My ash and I. She is literally the most selfless woman I have ever known

These are just a few reasons why I am so blessed!

Q&A

Hey everyone. I was watching a bunch of YouTube videos yesterday and I was really into the Q&A videos of famous Youtubers, and celebrities. So I decided to host my own Q&A. first off I want to thank those of you reading and those of you who decided to ask me these fun and somewhat deep questions. I did not get the response I had hoped so I had to compile some questions I found online so here we go!

Christine asked “What are beliefs/opinions that you used to have that you no longer have? What changed your mind”? This was a really tough question because I had to really think hard about things I thought throughout my life and the one that came to mind first was that I used to believe that God would be mad at me because I was so in love with the studies of the Occult and the supernatural. I can remember being a little girl, who comes from a Christian family. My mama never pushed her faith and never told me I had to be any religion, however I knew from reading a book I found at the Library that many believed people who took an active interest in the Occult and or religions that were based on magic were looked down upon. I remember my mama saying that “God made me the way he wanted and loving the supernatural and witches was exactly how I was supposed to be”.  I loved that answer because it made me see that it was okay to be me. My mam really instilled a sense of confidence in myself from that point on that I was created (by God, Gods, Deities) and to love me for me.

Favorite part of my daily routine? I am a full time student so a lot of routine has been changed in the last month but I think my favorite is my run. I actually had to take a 2.5 week break as I hurt my back packing and moving boxes. I did my second run yesterday and really pushed myself to run at least 2 miles but to push beyond that if I could. I ran a solid 30 minutes and 3.37 miles!

Jasmine asked, What is your biggest life dream? Those change so much over time. As a little kid my biggest dream was marry Michael J. Fox or Beetlejuice. In Highschool it was to just graduate, as I literally almost didn’t! No really, It came down to my Government final. (not something I am proud of). Then it was to marry my long time boyfriend/fiancée’ and now that I am married and have my own home. My biggest life dream right at this very moment is to get my Masters in Library and Information Science and to inspire people to read, or help with gathering information and researching different things.

Would I rather Live without T.V or Music? For me honestly I could do without both… IF I was able to watch movies. I know that you need a t.v to watch movies but I am using t.v as in shows, cable, satellite etc. Movies are my life and so I could give up both for movies.

Jamie asked, What is your fondest childhood memory? I have so many but I think If I had to choose one it would be when my sister Rachel sang We Wish You a Merry Christmas to a room full of people and exclaiming EVERYBODY after the first  verse. It really showed me that regardless of her disability, she is a force!

What is my favorite childhood TV show? I grew up in the 90’s so Nickelodeon was all the rage. I loved RugRats, Doug, Rockos Modern Life but my all time favorite(s) were Ahh Real Monsters and Beetlejuice: the animated series.

Sharon asked, Who are 5 fictional characters you wish you could meet and why? I love this question!

okay number 1 has to be Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. He is my all time favorite character in all of literature. I can remember my mama telling me about this book and how amazing it was. When it was assigned my freshman year I couldn’t wait to show my mama! Atticus is the quintessential man. He loves his family, he is a good man who defends a black man for something he didn’t do in a time when segregation was the norm. He is kind and compassionate and strong.

2. The Aunts from Practical Magic (the book and or the movie). Practical magic is a movie that I hold so close to my heart. Growing up with my best friend Jamie, basically since birth, we watched it all the time and wished we were Sally and Gyllie. As I look back at us then and look at us now, she and I are very much the aunts. We are funny, even funnier together. We are strong, we always have each others back, no matter how much time goes by when we are together its as if no time has passed. I would want to find out what makes the aunts the aunts.

3.Beetlejuice. Obviously! He’s funny, he’s cool and he’s the best!

4.The Sanderson sisters. Hocus Pocus is my 2nd favorite movie and to meet Sarah, Mary and Winnie would be a dream. I would want to learn all about their lives before they were hanged and the Halloween they chased Max, Dani, Allison and Binx

5.Katniss Everdeen. I absolutely love her as a character. She is strong, beautiful and brave. Her love for Prim is like a mother to her child. She is a force!

Derek asked What are the benefits/struggles of growing up with a sibling with disabilities? This is such a great question that siblings like me never get asked. I don’t know if it is because people think its rude or what but I love answering questions like this. Let me first say that the benefits by far outweigh the struggles however the struggles are real. Growing up with Rachel is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I was a toddler when she was diagnosed so for me there was no grieving process that is common for families upon diagnosis, and it was my normal. She is the light of my life. She is so bright, and so beautiful. Her heart is ENORMOUS! One thing that I always think of as a huge benefit to having her as my sister is I am who I am because of her. She has taught me strength, patience, empathy, and unconditional love. The struggles are very few and far between but one I can recall is letting her gain independence. Because I have devoted my life to keeping her safe and helping my mama help Rachel learn and grow, I have had to learn to take a step back and let her flourish. Its hard sometimes because I never want her to hurt, or be scared or be uncomfortable or even mad. Another struggle that I think subconsciously I knew but never thought about was that as the big sister to a person with disabilities I had to take a “back seat” as my mama says, because Rachel needed so much. I never thought of it this way until recently my mama brought it up. I always knew this person needs help so I need to let her get all the help she needs. And since my mama did it all on her own, I knew that if we could get Rachel any and every program or resource that my mama would get a break. Mind you I have never met a woman who could have taken care of “2 only children” as she calls it, and done it with such grace.

What is something you are good at doing? Embroidery! Research! Remembering Quotes!

What is something you own that you are grateful for? My husband has an amazing job and its allowed me to get a new car so I don’t have the stresses of an older car, I am able to go to school full time, a bed and a roof over our heads. Theres a lot to be grateful for!

What is your least favorite household chore? Since I am a stay at home wife and student (not yet a mother) I do everything but I would have to say either Dishes or folding laundry!

Are you more like your mom or dad? I think physically I’m like my dad, as if you know me and you know my mama that is like night and day. I think as far as personality and mannerisms I am a lot like my mama.

What is something you are proud of? There are so many things but right now I am really proud of Kyle and I. 10 years together, first year of marriage under our belts, living in a town we don’t like, away from our friends and family and we are making it! I think that we have a lot more under our belts than most couple because we have had to everything on our own and we are in stride.

That’s all for tonight! If you liked this and want more let me know. I had a lot of fun!

 

The question of kids..

Hey everyone, I felt really compelled to write on this topic as it will become a reality for me in the next year. 

All of my friends minus a select few have children. All of them are amazing parents. All of them have beautiful babies, toddlers,kiddos,teens and so on. This is a question I am bombarded with alot. As soon as I said I do, it was “so when are you having kids”. Rest assured that it will happen when it’s supposed to… I have wanted children my whole life. I used to want 8, then 6, then 4 and now I’m thinking 2 at the absolute max! While I am excited to begin this adventure I have to say part of me is a little sad. For me it will be devoting all my time and energy to a helpless tiny human. It will be less reading and more sleeping. It will he putting school on hold. It will be taking that time for myself and giving it to someone else and I hate to say it but I don’t want to share my husband. I know what you’re thinking “she’s crazy, parenthood is the best” and while I know I will understand when it happens I’m still not totally there yet. 

It’s funny, I have 3 younger siblings, all 3 were my “first babies” I helped alot with all 3 and at age 12 I had my 2 year old brother on a weekend schedule with me. I loved being their big sister and I loved taking care of them. I am in constant wonder if I will love my child the way I loved my siblings? Will I make good choices for their future? Will I be fun? How exactly do I play make believe? How do I scare away the monster under the bed? There are so many questions that I cannot answer and it’s terrifying. 

I have grown up my whole life hearing “having a baby is a crap shoot” or “babies are like a box of chocolates” because you just never know and I think that is what I struggle with the most. I don’t know if I will have a girl or boy until 20 weeks. Will they be typically developing? Will they look like me or Kyle? Everything is so unknown and that to me is terrifying. (If you can’t tell from this post, I am control freak).

I feel bad too because when people ask me when we are having kids and they ask if I’m excited I say yes! But I also mention that I am scared and I have gotten some great dirty looks from that. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how excited I am, I am always going to be scared. I have a great family and friends. My support system is phenomenal but again, it’s unknown and all I can control are my reactions. So when you ask me when it’s happening or if I am excited just know I am very much! I am anxious to get cute clothes and pick names (even though I’ve had mine planned for years and we are not changing them). I am excited to feel the first kick and meet them but I’m scared. I’m scared of the good, the bad, the blowouts, the tantrums, the kisses, the snuggles and that’s okay because I know deep down I got this!