Hi readers. My husband and I are just over 2 months away from our 11 year anniversary. (not our wedding anniversary, we are coming up on 2 years for that in October). I wanted to share 11 lessons we have learned on our own and from each other. 1 lesson for each year. These may seem like common sense to some but i have been told that Kyle and I are “the example” of how a good couple works. (not to toot our own horns)…
1. Let the little shit go!! I can’t tell you how many arguments and fights we have gotten into over the years over things that today are so small and require zero energy. I think that’s something that you have to learn within the first couple of years being together. There were times where we would get into an argument or fight and after hours of just being pissed off and crying I would forget why we were fighting in the first place. Seriously… let that shit go!!
2. It’s okay if you don’t agree on the little things as long as you agree on the big things. Kyle and I are the ideal couple for Opposites attract. We literally have nothing in common as far as favorites, likes and dislikes etc… however when it comes to big decisions such as how we live our day-to-day life, how we want to raise our children, or what we wanted to do when we retire, we are on the same page 100%. I think that is most important.
3. Make each other laugh. Kyle and I laugh all the time. We’ve even had conversations about how we think it’s sad when couples don’t find each other funny or don’t laugh at each other. How can you have fun with your spouse if you don’t laugh? Kyle makes me laugh at least a handful of times a day. Even if it’s something small and I still laugh we’ve done our job.
4. Have conversations. I’ve heard many couples say that after certain point you lose things to talk about. Kyle and I after all this time can still find things to talk about even if it’s something like which actor we prefer as Batman we can have a good conversation as to why we think what we think. There is no reason to stop having conversations with your significant other.
5. It’s okay to be scared. When Kyle started the academy and we found out we were moving to a county that neither of us wanted to live in we knew that we only had each other to rely on. That in itself is terrifying. Because Kyle and I stayed home to go to school and for him to get into the academy we only lived with each other during Summers when I would house sit. Once Academy life started it was six months of wedding planning, testing, anxiety, tears, sleepless nights, days where we would do nothing but sleep all day because he was so exhausted and I knew that at the end of it we would be somewhere where it was just he and I all the time. That scared me because I’ve always had family so close by. Being scared is okay you just need to explain why you’re scared and try to understand how you as a couple can fix that fear
6. Make time for date night. Everyone talks about when you have children date nights are so few and far between. Even now with just a puppy Kyle and I have to plan time to go on dates. Date night doesn’t have to be getting dressed up and going to dinner. Date night for us could be a movie from Redbox, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to share and our dog. As long as we’re together relaxing that’s what’s most important.
7. Try to understand each other’s frustrations. Because Kyle Works graveyard shift that’s 12 hours or more when he comes home I know that even though I want nothing more than to just hang out with him he has to sleep. The same goes for him when the dog is chewing something up he’s not supposed to and my computer crashes and it’s the first day of school and my car gets flat tire. (this has happened all in 1 day more than once) he is the first person to tell me to calm down that he understands how I feel and that we’re going to fix it one step at a time. It always gets fixed but as long as I understand how he feels and he understands how I feel then everything’s okay.
8. Do things the other person loves to do. Before Kyle and I moved he was very much involved in the MMA training and trainer life. I hated exercising and all I wanted to do was sit at home all day and read. But I decided because Kyle loved that part of his life so much that I would join a women’s cardio kickboxing class that I actually got pretty good at. In turn, Kyle would read books that I suggested to him as long as they weren’t romance novels 🙂
9. Be honest. Being honest is just a good quality to have in life but with your spouse it’s even more important. After we moved I was extremely unhappy. I just wanted to go home and be with my family and friends and there were many days where I would just sit and feel sorry for both he and I because he too didn’t like where he was although he had just gotten his dream job so working here was what we had to do. I lied for a few months and put on a brave face about everything being okay and that it was going to work out until one night I had a meltdown. I was crying I told him how much I hated our house and how much I hated it here and he just hugged me and said he was sorry. He asked if I wanted him to quit which I immediately said no because I would never want to take his dream job away from him. And although I still don’t like the area I have a roof over my head and I get to be with him every single day.
10. Be present. Becoming present has been a struggle for me my entire life. I’ve always been an anxious person and hard-wired for stress and I’ve always been that girl who was 10 steps ahead of everybody else but then because I was so far ahead I would lose track of myself and others and have to go all the way back to square one and start over. In the last few years I have found that maintaining presence is key. On days when I’m anxious or home sick I will look at our wedding pictures or I’ll sneak into our room while Kyle sleeping and just get a quick glance of him and I’ll start to feel better because this is everything that I’ve ever wanted for him and for myself. After I take in a few deep breaths I realize that I’m very blessed that I get to be married to my high-school sweetheart.
11. Say I love you. I tell Kyle I love him probably a hundred times a day. Now our situation is a little bit different and he has a dangerous job however I told him I love him a hundred times every day 4 years ago or 5 years ago or even 8 years ago. He’s my best friend and I want him to know how much I love him. It’s funny sometimes I’ll say I love you to him and he goes “what’s wrong” even if nothing’s wrong he just needs to know.
These lessons are ones that I’ve learned in the last 11 years with Kyle. Some of them have come extremely naturally and some of them took years to finally realize but Kyle and I are a force together. I definitely feel like when he and I walk in a room there’s a presence and I don’t want to sound cocky but I think that he and I have earned the right of the title power couple. We both work extremely hard at our marriage and I think that we do a really good job!!!